Seat on the Subway

New Yorkers are rude. Actually, I'll rephrase that. Some New Yorkers are rude. I realized this recently as I've been commuting with a very pregnant wife and witnessed first hand how people refuse to give up their seat for her. They pretend to sleep. They look the other way. They cover their face with a magazine. Anything to avoid eye contact. So, each day we try to draw attention to her pregnancy as a way to guilt people into offering up their seat. Here is a script we are working on for our next attempt:

Mike enters subway train and sees Mel, a pregnant woman standing (because there are no seats available)

MIKE: Mel, how are you? It's been so long. I didn't know you were pregnant

MEL: Mike, I'm doing well.

MIKE: Look at you. You're about to pop. What month are you in?

MEL: I'm in the 9th month, I'm getting really close.

MIKE: 9th month? Wow, that's so exciting, how do you feel?

MEL: I'm okay. I'm just REALLY tired. My legs hurt. Oh and my back is killing me. It's just hard because I need to lug this heavy bag to work everyday.

Mike realizes that his sketch is being ignored and turns to the closest seated passenger.

MIKE : Okay, just get the hell up.

Getting close

Admittedly, we have some anxieties as we enter the final month of this pregnancy. One of them is that Mel will go into labor in a public place and we will not be have time to get to the hospital, and will be forced to give birth in someplace horrible, like the subway.

Here is how we picture the NY Post will cover our greatest fear:

• BABY ON BOARD the N train
• C - Section (Visual Note -the "C" will be the sign of its respective train
• It's a giRl (Same visual thought with "R")
  
• Stand clear of the opening doors

The Contents of my Wife's Purse

1 Umbrella
1 Wallet
1 Jar of Pepcid AC
1 Bottle of Tylenol
1 Blackberry
1 Blackberry Case
1 Locksmith business card used as a receptacle for chewed gum
1 Set of Keys
4 Luna Bars
1 Book -
1 New Yorker Magazine
3 Pottery Barn Kids coupons
4 used amtrak tickets
1 Lip Balm
1 Chapstick
2 Lipstick
1 Lip Gloss
1 Mascara
1 Concealer
1 Eyeliner
1 Mirror
1 Ziplock Bag - Empty
1 Bandaid
1 Button that reads "Who Cares"
1 Ziplock Bag - Filled with Iron
1 Jump Drive
1 Pill container
9 Assorted wrappers
1 Watch
1 Pen
32 cents in change
$5 Bill
1 Pair of gloves
1 receipt for 83 cents
1 oversized wallet
1 Employee ID
1 Tokyo Transit Pass

Goal # 5 - Quit biting my fingernails

Biting your fingernails is a disgusting habit. It’s unhealthy and a terrible example of oral hygiene. As far as I’m concerned, those are all bonus points for quitting. None of which are the motivation behind me renouncing a 20+ year-old habit.

The truth is my impending fatherhood has left me more anxious than ever before. At the rate I’m going, I will be chewing on my knuckles by the time my daughter reaches grade school. If I don’t stop now, I will be giving away my ‘tell’. My weakness will be exposed. I will be contested by the women in the household and run the risk of being dethroned as the alpha male.

This must not happen. I’m counting on you, No Bite, my bitter tasting nail bite deterrent.

Note: At the time of this posting, I'm 10 days bite free. In the event you see me fall off the wagon, I implore you to contact my sponsor.

Birthing Class

Mel and I started our birthing class last night. I must admit I was a bit surprised with the amount of we are going to learn. Each class is two hours and runs once a week for 7 weeks. I felt like asking the nurse/teacher how may credits are we going to receive. But being surrounded by 9 pregnant women, I reconsidered my attempt at humor.

The class began with a video about the 3 stages of labor. Honestly, I haven't been that scared watching a movie since Poltergeist. I'll spare you the details, but I'll tell that someone from the MPAA missed this one. There were no warnings about graphic content or how this film may be unsuitable for some audiences. In my opinion, it deserved at minimum a NC 17 Rating.

Oh, I hope I don't faint. That would be terribly cliché

Sympathy for the Father

Did you know that fathers-to-be often experience physical symptoms of their partner's pregnancy? I didn't. Until recently. I suppose that explains my weight gain (almost 10 lbs in 7 months) and the frequency of my bathroom visits. Truthfully, I'm not really bothered by these minor changes. It's nothing in comparison to what Mel is experiencing. What does concern me though, now that she is in the 3rd trimester, are sympathy hemroids.

Jet Lag

Mama and I just returned from Tokyo last night. The jet lag has us up at 4:00 in the morning. Everyone always complains about jet lag. But it has me up I'm updating my blog for the first time in 2 months. So I guess it isn't so bad.

Look forward to my entry at 5pm after I have been up for 17 hours.

Goal # 4 - Childproof House